Let Us Chat Over a Cup of Coffee

Oh my dear friend, how I wish we could sit together for a nice cup of coffee.

What a delight it would be to sit across from You in such a cozy atmosphere. To look deep into Your full of wonder eyes filled with all of life’s mysteries. I know You probably don’t even drink coffee, not that you need it. That wouldn’t even be the point of our coffee date. Many a friends I have taken for coffee runs. Many fierce, heartbreaking, inspiring, and puzzling conversations I have had over coffee with countless friends. But all of them would transform to be pointless, if I could trade them all to have one conversation over coffee with You.

It’s not to say that we don’t ever speak as it is. In fact, we usually spend every day together in some way. I think about You constantly and You are the last person I talk to every night. I love You so much. I use the word “best friend” pretty loosely, but You truly are my very best friend. No one compares to you.

Sometimes I am a bad friend to You. I forget to talk to You or spend time with You. I trust in myself and wallow in worries before coming to You with my problems. Sometimes I am so scared to admit the things I have done wrong and so ashamed. You promised me You would never leave me or condemn me but yet I feel that this time I may have truly gone too far. But deep in my heart, I know that simply isn’t true. You constantly remain faithful in Your promises. I feel at peace when I finally come to You. You always bring me so much joy, my best memories are truly with You. You’ve gifted me beyond measure, there is no way that I would ever be able to repay You. I regret to say that I am not the best friend to You that You are to me.

I know that I have not been the best friend lately. I know I have distanced myself. I am so sorry. But I could really use a friend right now. Even though I don’t deserve it. You see, I have some deep troubles right now. Some answers, I need help. I sit and think about it all day long. I paint a smile on my face every day to mask my true colors. But it’s been raining for the past few weeks and the rain is starting to wash away the paint. People are starting to see the damage hidden underneath. I don’t really know what to do. You have always given me the best advice before, please help me once more.

Oh how I wish to sit You down over some coffee at my favorite coffee shop downtown. To be in Your presence is enough to make me feel at ease. This is what I assume the encounter would go like. I’d look deep into Your eyes and you would look back so knowingly. You would look at me and already know what is on my mind before I even utter a word. I’d start to cry and say, “I just don’t know what to do anymore!”

You would wipe away my tears and say, “Don’t think I’ve been away. I’ve heard your cries in the deep of night. I whispered sweet melodies into your ear and rocked you to sleep.”

I would ask you all the questions that have been troubling me. Get some things off my chest. Similar to what I do with my other friends, but with You, I just know that You would be the most understanding. You would tell me what to do. You would give me the answers I so desire.

But although I would love nothing more to go on a coffee date with You, I know there is a reason I can’t physically do that. But I know that I can still spend time with You any hour of the day and  that You will always be there for me.

I really hope our relationship grows stronger through the years and we overcome all obstacles. I can’t wait until the day I can truly be fully in Your presence. Thank You for being my best friend and truly loving me unconditionally. I love You so much.

[NOTE: This blog post is a little different. I spend a lot of time in coffee shops with my friends and trying to get work done. Life is full of mystery and confusion and many times I think to myself, man I wish I could just have Jesus right in front of me so that I could ask him some questions and get some concrete answers on how to live my life! But it’s important to remember that He is always with us and He does answer our prayers in many different ways.]

“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for an assurance about what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1

Angie

 

 

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Sarcasm Makes Life Easier (This is Sarcasm)

I get myself into some very interesting situations sometimes from my sarcasm. Not many people fully understand my sarcasm and how it has a strong connection to my humor. I personally don’t understand boys very much so my main approach to talking to them is by speaking very sarcastically. Often times this can come off as rude or “salty” and people cannot tell when I’m being serious or just joking. But other times people tell me I am really funny and there is not better compliment coming from a guy than “You are really funny.” Well of course he could give you better compliments saying that you are beautiful or have a beautiful soul, and much more..but hey I’ll take funny any day. As long as it’s not funny looking because my friends love to post ugly pictures of me in our group chat but ok I am getting way off topic here! Basically, if you understand my sarcasm and humor, well God bless your soul.

But sarcasm has gotten me into some very interesting situations. Good or bad, definitely makes me look back on life and laugh (sometimes the laughing happens right away, sometimes it happens years after once the initial embarrassment and shock has worn off.

As you can see, although I love to talk about serious things, I also love to joke around. So please take everything in this post with a grain of salt and a light hearted attitude. I like to share my more funny and awkward experiences to show that life doesn’t always have to be so serious 🙂 In fact if you know me in real life I am always laughing and messing around. So this post will hopefully show more of my personality.

Story #1

So one time my friend (who is a boy) was taking me home. He was talking about how I remind him of one of his ex girlfriends because of how we connect through our spiritual conversations. We often laugh because of how similar we both are (but apparently not in all ways!). Often times this boy vents to me about one of our mutual friends who he has a major crush on. After hearing him talk about her for the past two hours and then receiving compliments on how him and I connect on such an intellectual level, I sarcastically/jokingly said, “Why don’t you just forget about (our friend) and date me instead.” This was met with silence and then an awkward serious conversation after. I probably said the wrong thing. He explained that although he thought I was attractive, and we get along great that he prayed about it before and that it wouldn’t be right to mix in the friend group and that he still really liked my friend.

That’s all fine and dandy and I was just like alrighty…thanks for the ride. Good bye!

Was this conversation over? No. Because then a few days later he asked to meet up and we had to discuss again why I said what I said and what it means. I should have thought before I joked out loud. We’re cool now and really good friends. But that was a weird situation.

Story #2

Now last week I went to get bubble tea with one of my friends while taking a break from studying. A new bubble tea place had opened up in the mall. At the check out, the cashier was speaking to the manager and asked him why he had hired him. The manager was laughing and said, “It’s because we see potential in you and because of your great smile.” Well I too started laughing and the manager looked at me and continuing his sentence said, “Just like hers.”

I responded in my sarcastic/joking way, “Thanks! Can I work here too then?”

Well this led to me filling out and application form and having an interview on the spot in front of the long line of customers. It ended with minimum wage being the starting pay so no thank you! But this was a time that sarcasm actually worked in my favor and landed me a job opportunity.

I will not stop my sarcastic ways because well it makes life entertaining and because it comes naturally to me. But I will have to make sure that I actually think before I speak sometimes and make sure it doesn’t come off rude or put me in some weird preventable situations.

This is how I laugh about my life. :))))

Stay laughing,

Angie

 

I Forgive You but I Cannot Forget You (Part 1)

“For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you” Matthew 6:14

Forgiveness is not always easy. What does it really mean?

I decided to name the title as part 1 because thinking about forgiveness, I realize that it is actually a complex topic. As I grow and learn more, the more I want to reflect on what forgiveness is and to see how my heart has changed. I don’t think I can only write once about this topic. The act of forgiving is a beautiful thing because it means showing grace and love unto someone who has wronged you, and you yourself being separated from the bondage of resentment and hurt. But that being said, forgiveness is not always easy as it often comes after a time of deep hurt and deep trial.

The Back Story

Last night I had our annual Monday night Bible Study session with some of my friends at 7:30. We have been doing this since the New Year started, I think. We have a No-Cancellation-Policy which means that some nights we would have Bible Study really late if needed. Anyway, we go through this book of Bible Verses every week and each week there is a different topic to discuss. Last night’s topic was Forgiveness.

Everybody sat around my couch eating popcorn and sipping on their coffee. Once we stopped getting distracted by laughter, the doorbell ringing, and my Grandma coming in ranting and making funny jokes in Ukrainian, we dove in to discussion.

As we went through, we realized that forgiveness is much more complicated than we ever initially thought. What is forgiveness? Did any of us still have unforgiveness in our hearts, even though we were Christian? How did we deal with forgiving others before? If we don’t forgive others, will we not be forgiven by God? Is forgiveness a one time act or is it a constant decision? And lastly, how can we really forgive someone who doesn’t care or doesn’t ask for forgiveness?

These questions boggled my mind all night. It still does. I don’t have all the answers. I’m still learning and praying for wisdom.

Discussion

As the night went on, people began to share personal stories of battling forgiveness. Some lives have been forever changed by one person’s actions towards them, and that makes forgiving hard. And knowing someone just doesn’t care to even ask for your forgiveness, makes it even harder. We struggle with forgiving others and then feeling guilty because we know that God has forgiven us of all our trespasses and that he calls us to forgive others as well.

As the night went on I was a bit silent at first. Soaking in the confusing topic and trying to understand the meaning of forgiveness. Sitting in that room, I unfortunately knew that even though I wanted to be completely forgiving of everyone, that deep down I still carry some resentment and unforgiveness deep down in my heart.

So this is what I asked the rest of the group, “Do you guys think that forgiveness is a one time thing where you forgive someone and get over it? Or do you think it is something that sometimes you have to choose to do daily. Even if you’ve already forgiven someone, sometimes the pain still haunts you almost daily and you have to choose to forgive that person instead of thinking negatively about them. I have times where I think I have completely forgiven someone but sometimes the hurt creeps back in and I feel guilty and think, what is going on?!

In which case they responded, “Angela, I think you just answered your own question.”

Forgiving and Loving go almost hand in hand

I say almost because love is an even more complex topic and forgiving is only one aspect or side of loving someone, there are more sides to loving. But yes, forgiving someone is an act of love. God sent his son in the ultimate act of love to die for our sins so we may be forgiven. (1 John 3:16)

I personally believe that love is not just a feeling but also an action. We must choose to love every day. Being human, loving doesn’t always come easy. It’s easy to love your family and close friends, most of the time it comes naturally and unconditionally. It’s harder to show love to someone who is a stranger or to someone who is against you. Similar to forgiving. I used to believe forgiving someone is a one time act. That once you forgive them once for something, that you will no longer care about it and it has gone away. Sometimes that is the case. Especially for minor things. But, sometimes it’s not the case. Sometimes it’s an every day decision, (this is what I concluded at the end of last night’s Bible Study). Especially when the hurt they caused is now something you must live with for the rest of your life.

So what do you do when forgiveness doesn’t come easy? Here are some suggestions.

  • Realize that you have hurt others before and you need grace just as much as them. That we are all human and fall short.
  • Pray for them. Even when it hurts, pray for them.
  • If you can, please please please try and talk to them! Let them know what is wrong and try to come to a mutual understanding if possible. This is not always possible in certain circumstances, but when it is you should try. Sometimes you may need time to get to this point.
  • Vent to a trusted friend who can comfort and pray for you.
  • Distance yourself if needed. You can’t change anyone or make them understand what you are going through. But you can change yourself (with God’s help and other means of help). You can keep yourself from negativity.
  • If you must see them a lot, try to kill them with kindness and show love. Eventually it will become easier. Almost like fake it till you make it.
  • Avoid gossiping about the person who you have something against. Fueling gossip only fuels your own anger and hate!

Obviously every situation is different and complex, these are only my suggestions. And I write them for myself as a reminder because I have been struggling with forgiveness. I’m honestly a very emotional person. And it makes me feel even guilty to say that because I am a Christian and I know God calls us to forgive and he forgives me even when I seriously mess up over and over again. But that’s why we can all learn and encourage each other.

Good points made by my friends:

  • Often times people don’t really understand the extent of how much they have hurt you. If they did, the would feel just as heartbroken.
  • Just because the other person is over it, doesn’t mean you have to be. It takes people different amounts of time to feel ok and to process what happened. Take as much time as you need.
  • Don’t wish someone bad or curse them. Wish them well and actively try to change your mindset. If a negative thought pops up about them try to diffuse it.
  • If you forgive someone, doesn’t mean they have to be back in your life.
  • Forgiving doesn’t mean you forget what happened. It means you let go and used the situation to better yourself.

MY BIG BELIEF: JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE HAS BEEN A CRAPPY PERSON TO YOU OR IN GENERAL DOES NOT MEAN THAT IS THEIR SET CHARACTER OR BEHAVIOR FOR LIFE. ANYONE WHO IS WILLING CAN CHANGE. TREAT THEM WITH THEIR POTENTIAL AND MAYBE THEY WILL BELIEVE THEY CAN ACHEIVE IT. GOD LOVES US BECAUSE HE SEE’S ALL THAT WE ARE. HE DOESN’T SETTLE ON OUR MISTAKES OR SINS. FORGIVING AT THE TOUGHEST TIMES IS THE WAY THAT YOU CAN SHOW THE LOVE OF GOD TO SOMEONE WHO NEEDS IT!! YESS!!!

I will be thinking about this and also trying to live this out in my life. I will write hopefully a part 2 when I receive more insight and experience on the topic. One friend from Bible Study had an epiphany and is now going to ask someone for forgiveness. We must also realize that if we feel guilty for something we did, it is never too late to apologize to someone that we hurt. Even if it’s years later! We all need to be intentional with loving, living, and forgiving every day of our lives!

Whoever you are, reading this..if you want to shoot me a little prayer, that would be great. 🙂 If you need prayer. Let me know!

Hope:

“The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him” Daniel 9:9

Have a great week my friends,

Angie ❤

 

 

 

Stuck In the Same Old, Same Old

“Hey, how’s it going?”

“Oh you know…just the same old, same old stuff.”

Anyone else find themselves in this type of conversation lately? I know I have. Or maybe I have just imagined it. Who knows. But sometimes you get stuck in the same old routine and it seems like nothing exciting is happening.

This last week has been a drag because I was studying for finals all week and could not hang out as much with my friends as I am used to. But today I finished my finals! Woohoo! Summer is about to approach. I don’t know what will occupy my time this summer but the options are endless.

break

This is a picture of me taking a break from studying after Starbucks closed early. Why am I looking out in the distance? I had a great conversation with the barista who I used to have a class with and he wants to apply to my school that I go to right now. And I didn’t leave my phone number. Why. So many RAGRATS. But anyway back to the main point…

Yesterday I spent most of the first half of the day studying after Church because I was scared of my upcoming finals. After studying for what felt like eternity, I decided to go youth and young adult service in the evening and just worship and see my friends to freshen up my mind. After Church service we went to a local beach and some of my friends and I walked along the water with pizza slices in our hands and discussed our summer plans. Thankfully Evelyn was smart and put together a Summer bucket list of things we need to accomplish during summer.

That includes:

  • Camping
  • Fugitive
  • Game Night
  • More Hiking
  • Canada trip
  • Night Swimming
  • Road Trips
  • No boring days

And a lot more things! Summer 2016 is about to be the best summer ever! (Haha we actually say this every year but this year will be different. Mark my words (; )

But in life of course we should always try to embrace the moment and live each day to the fullest that we can. But sometimes thinking about future plans and goals can be really exciting and make you want to go out there and accomplish them. So I thought I would write down some of my long term goals/dreams and see what will come about the future.

Life Plans:

  • Get a Masters degree (preferably counseling)
  • Rent a house and live there for a while with best friends/roommates
  • Get married to the love of my life
  • Travel to Ukraine (the home land) as well as Paris, Iceland, and Bora Bora
  • Publish a book (this would be amazing ahhh)
  • Adopt a child (already looking at possible adoption agencies)
  • Build this blog up

Whenever I feel bored with my life, I try to think of these things and keep myself moving.

Cheers to the end of Finals!

finals

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hope you have a great rest of the week.

Stay beautiful.

-Angie<3