“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die,..” Ecclesiastes 3:1
Currently in the state of grieving and learning how to deal with everything. You know its funny because in life you try to prepare for anything coming your way. But you don’t always get to prepare for death. Sometimes you know that death is coming over soon and you try to prepare yourself for it’s cold visit into your home. Other times it comes unexpectedly and there is no time to prepare. But whether or not you know it’s coming, doesn’t make it any easier when the time finally comes. It’s a new reality. One day they are here and the next day they are not. They have descended to a different place but you are still here going through life. Death doesn’t wait for the most convenient time, when work is less busy, when you’re financially stable, or “old enough” to handle it. It comes at it’s own time, a time predestined at the very beginning. When it’s God’s will, it’s God’s will. Though I am fortunate to know where my loved ones have gone, I am still a human incapable of fully understanding eternity and how to not take this in a hurtful way. But we live and we go through the good and the bad and we get through it by the help of God, for those who are blessed to know Him.
As my mom kept saying in disbelief during that crazy week in mid January, “This is just unheard of for two grandmothers to pass away within a day of each other!”, it really was unexpected. I knew that both my grandmothers were getting sick but I didn’t know when the time was coming for them to leave us, and I sure as heck didn’t think they would pass away within one day of each other.
I don’t want to get too into detail since I am writing an article about this for my school newspaper and don’t want to copy content, but this is the season I am in right now. Grieving. You know it happens so fast and you’re preparing for the funeral, spending time with family, and going through the motions but you don’t really truly process it until the initial shock and busyness of the funeral wears off. The first week you have a lot of people stopping by to comfort you. But then the weeks pass and it’s time to go back into the real world. Back to work and school and your other responsibilities. Then suddenly the loneliness hits you like an unexpected train. Suddenly the house is empty because the two beautiful souls who prayed for you and always blessed you goodbye as you walked out the door each morning are gone.
Grieving isn’t always death. You can grieve the loss of your dreams, you can grieve from a divorce or a breakup, a lost friendship, a lost opportunity. But as Ecclesiastes writes, there is a time and season for everything under the sun. This is the season I’m in but this too shall pass. I know that good days will be coming my way. That is how life works. You go through the ugly and that can sometimes help you appreciate the sunshine when it finally comes.
It feels like I’m grieving a few different things. Grieving the loss of my worship team, some goals and aspirations I had, and some lost friendships. But I have hope that something brighter will come around soon. You have to be patient and trust in God.
I’m thankful for everyone who has been praying for my family. Thankful for my parent’s friends who brought us food when my mom was too weak to cook and I was too busy with school and work to always have a meal prepared for all the unexpected and expected guests we had coming over each day. I’m thankful for my professors who allowed me to take some time off from classes and give me make up assignments so that I wouldn’t fall behind but also prayed for my family. I’m thankful for the people who reached out to me to wish me well. I’m thankful for music that has kept my mind busy. I’m thankful for people who have attempted to make me laugh or smile. Most importantly I’m thankful for God who continues to comfort me even though it’s hard for me to pick up a Bible or even pray.
If you’re reading this, may you have a blessed day that is full of laughter.